For my family

I just started this post 6 different times in 6 different way. None of them made any sense once I finished typing them. So I gave up. Lazy, I know, I apologize.

One of the most melancholy songs that I enjoy is Nightswimming. I don't know if Mr Stipe intended it to be so. The version on the album was less so than the way in which he sings it live. On the album he still sounds hopeful. Live he sounds so wistful. Heres both versions.







When I was about 12 my family went on a vacation to a lakeside campground called "The Palisades". I cannnot for the life of me remember where it was. I do however vividly remember the young lady with whom I fell in love there. I was floating in my inner tube on the lake near the shore when she and her friend drifted by close enough for us to make eye contact. I smiled at here and she smiled back. We paddled closer and started talking. Her name was Michelle and she was there for the week with her family as well. We talked on the lake till we got sunburned and had to head in for dinner. We agreed to meet that night by the big tree not far from the waters edge.

I was so excited to see Michelle again. She had blonde hair and blue eyes. She was wearing a bikini and smelled like sweat and suntan lotion. She was a little bit shy and a lot bit sweet. We had two days left on vacation and I was determined to spend as much of it as possible with her.

We met back at the tree after the sun went down. She brought her sister to keep her company. Michelle and I sat on a fallen tree and talked and talked. We liked the same bands, hated the same kinds of kids at school both felt like we had known each other for years. We kept moving closer and closer as we talked till we were touching arms. By this time her sister had drifted away and we were alone. Michelle reached over and took my hand and smiled at me. Then she leaned in and kissed me. We talked at length night about everything. Then she asked if I wanted to go for a swim.

We headed for the water and waded in slowly. We just sort of floated and tread water together in the shallows for a while. Then she kissed me again. We kissed for a while longer there in the dark water. I remember holding her head in my hands as we kissed as I ran my fingers through her tangled hair. She told me her family was going into town the next and wouldn't be back till later and that I might not see her. I ran back to camp and found a pen and paper so we could exchange addresses. It was getting very late and we we parted ways promising to write every day till we could find a way to see each other again.

When we left camp two days later I still had not been able to see Michelle and I remember feeling a profound deep down sense of loss as the lake receded in the back window of our car.

As soon as I got back home I sat down and poured out my heart to her in a long letter telling her how much I loved her and how I felt we were soul mates and I would be counting the days till I heard from her. About a week later I got a letter back from her. It was written in pink ink in big loopy letters. She wrote that she had had a good time too and that she was having fun back in school. She made no mention of her own heartache or longing to see me. She said nothing about love or feeling lost without me. I was embarrassed and heartbroken. I wrote her one more letter and tried to pretend I wasn't hurt. She never wrote back.

Ill never forget floating in the warm lake water at the Palisades looking up at the stars on a warm summer night and being in love.

Have you ever felt hopeful and despondent at the same time? Its a frustrating mix. Sorry this is so deep guys but this is how I'm feeling and I promised my brother a post. Its all I got right now.

Excuse me now, its late and I'm going to go to bed and cuddle with Mrs Chops. I think I'll smell her hair. It always smells sweet....